Nominations for Australian Cultural Ambassador of the year 2011

(Warning: contains attempts at describing graphic “Adult” situations).

What a funny morning it has been.

I woke up at 5am to a young Australian girl and a british guy clambering their way, off their faces, into our dorm room. 
Once they finally climbed into the chick’s bunk, it was on!
She’s whispering some dirty lines to him. Their coked up noses are sniffling heavily, she’s coughing up a lung after too many cigarettes. 
Her breathing starts getting really heavy, the guy is grunting away too.

I really want to make a dash for the door, but it’s 5am and really want the rest of the sleep I paid for. “Perhaps they won’t take too long” I tell myself.
Maybe I should walk up to the bunk and ask “how much time do you guys reckon you’ll need?”

Their sucking at each others faces, the sound of 2 pieces of meat slapping together comes to mind.
“Fuck me” she’s whispers, very Australianly.
From the sound of it out pops a franger, the guy desperately tries to get it on but it ricochets across the dorm.
He rips out another one and doesn’t make the same mistake again, and they’re off banging away.

After about ten minutes she says “what’s goin’ on, ya gonna cum?!”
“ahh sorry, must be all the blow and alcohol”
“fuck… fuck. Ahh, don’t worry, it’s ok.”
“but I want to make you cum”
“nah…you won’t be able to”
“fuck. It’s ok” she says.

A minute of silence.
Then it’s on again!
And guess what?! The same again! The guy can’t shoot!
Each time the girl grows more & more frustrated.

I’m quite awake now and am getting the idea that I am going to have to go find a beanbag in the TV room if I am going to get any more sleep.
The room is pitch black and I can’t tell if Danielle or Phil are awake, but I can only assume that Phil is, seeing as he is in the bottom bed of the sex bunk, and Dan is in the next bunk along.

After the 5th round of this they’re both a bit buggered and she’s thirsty, reaches for a bottle of water and knocks it onto the floor, the wooden floor bang like a snare drum.

She attempts to climb off the guy and the bunk bed but slips and plummets to the ground. A little dazzled she disappears out the door to the dunny.
A few minutes later she’s back. Then the guy ducks off to the loo, also missing the edge of the bed and plummets to the floor like a sack of used frangers.
He’s back after a few minutes, climbs the bunk, mounts the girl, bunk starts shaking again, a few moans, franger out, more groans, and guess what? The guy can’t shoot!
Girl is very very pissed off.
I pick my moment to slide out of the room, and so does Danielle and Phil.

We’re outside very tired and having a laugh when a different Australian girl, Stacey, comes outside. She asks if we had all left the dorm because of all the racket, of course we say yes.
She reassures us “It wasn’t moi, it wuz me moit Chantelle”, and then ducks back inside.

I forgot my iPhone so went back in to the dark of the dorm, found it, and on the way out I pass a groaning bed and out pops Stacey’s head!

That night after a big day out exploring Bogota we head back to our hostel. When we enter our dorm we are greeted by the sounds of our two fine Australian cultural ambassadors, Stacey & Chantelle, making lots of noise but not saying much.
“Didja get much sloip? AHH aaaaahhhh haha ahhhhhh” laughs Stacey like a chainsaw.
“No, not at all” We say.
“She’s real sorry” Stacey
“Yeah – sorry for me – but not for you guys. Its a shame for me” Chantelle